Self-Care 2

Being a caregiver is often exhausting. Both physically and emotionally.

Caregivers need to take care of themselves. It's a cliche for a reason, but you can't get water from a dry well.

Keeping ourselves in good shape emotionally and physically can be a challenge.

Today, let's talk about how to do some easy at-home self-care by being silly.

Here are a few things you can search for online that might get you and maybe even your Loved One in a silly mood.

• baby goat videos
• goat sings Whitney Houston (trust me on this one!)
• jokes for kids
• knock knock jokes - if your Loved One is still able to read, have them do the reading while you do the answer part, they'll enjoy it more
• silly jokes about summer (winter, Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, sports, food...)
• blooper reels for your favourite TV shows or movies
• kids laughing
• sports gone wrong
• pandas
• silly animals

(Photo by Antevasin Nguyen on Unsplash)

Of course, you don't have to go online to get silly.

• have a dance party to music from all different generations and styles (Lizzie is in a wheelchair but she still loves to dance!)
• talk about memories of silly times
• sing songs from childhood (Row your boat, Doh a Deer, Itsy Bitsy...) and make up the words if you can't remember them
• draw silly pictures (combine an alligator & mouse into a new animal, draw a squiggle & turn it into a picture)
• write a silly story and add in drawings (Once upon a time there was a raccoon who wanted to meet Lizzie for tea...)
• tongue twisters (red leather, yellow leather always gets me!)
• limericks (There is a young lady named Lizze, who keeps her daughter in a tizzy, they love to sing songs, the shorts & the longs, and Lizzie keeps everyone busy!). Obviously they don't have to be perfect!

There's really nothing quite as healing as a good belly laugh!

Check out the book Dancing With Dementia for more easy self-care tips.

How about you? Any more ideas about silly things to search for? Any other ways to get a good belly laugh?

Using Improv Skills To Improve Communication

Once Lizzie was in the Nursing Home (NH), we found that her friends dropped away rather quickly.

Many people found it challenging to spend time with Lizzie. She was still outgoing, friendly, articulate, and happy. So what was the problem?

The problem was that Lizzie didn't react as they expected her to react. She got facts wrong. She told stories that didn't reflect reality as the listener remembered it. She didn't remember some of their time spent together. She would sometimes tell stories that didn't make sense. She was sometimes determined to make the friend do something the friend had no desire to do (take Lizzie out to a restaurant).

Lizzie's friends had no idea how to react to these changes and all of that combined made visiting troublesome.

I wish I'd had this video to show them!

This video is a TEDMED. It showcases some positive ways to interact with someone living with dementia.

The people in the video have realized that the guidelines of improv acting are very similar to the guidelines for interacting with someone with dementia. They show a couple of scenarios to help viewers get the idea. They give concrete examples of "go with the flow" and "live in their reality."

I loved the "yes, and" tip. People living with dementia hear No a lot. Using "yes, and" is powerful!

LINK

How about you? Have you seen this video? Any tips to help friends be more comfortable visiting people living with dementia?

Photo by Avel Chuklanovon Unsplash

Power of Music 2 - Using My Teen Years

When Lizzie becomes stressed, music is a definite soothing influence.
I often use music as a way to redirect her from whatever is bothering her or whatever she has focused on.

Today, let's focus on music from my (or your) teen years. Music is often extremely important to teens and the songs are ingrained in our memory. Or maybe that's just me. 😊 Because we listened to and played (on the piano) a LOT of music during our teen years, Lizzie also knew our favourite songs really well. She also tends to remember who we had celebrity crushes on and we can use that as well.

Sometimes I use the, "Oh I heard this song on the radio on the way up to see you!" trick. I'll choose a song from our teenage years, something that she'll remember. I start to sing the song or the chorus.

From there, I can generally turn the conversation to something less stressful for Lizzie.

Photo by Lee Campbellon Unsplash

I love this song. The singer's hair reminds me I wore that same kind of style in high school. Do you remember those horrible curls I had? Why did I think that was a good idea?

This song always makes me think about dancing. Did you enjoy going to dances when you were younger? ...or... I remember how you helped me do my hair before high school dances. ...or... I remember when we used to dance in the rec room in the basement. ... or... What kind of dancing is your favourite? ...or... Did you and Dad enjoy the dances? ...or... Do you like watching movies with dancing?

I love Billy Joel's songs. He's such a great musician. I can't imagine being that talented. How old do you think he was when he learned to play piano? Can you imagine how scary it would be to play in front of a huge audience? Billy Joel whistles during some of his songs. Can you whistle? Billy Joel plays harmonica in this song. Was it your brother who was a good harmonica player?

This song is so much fun. I like the silly chorus. Can you think of any other silly songs? I like the way the chorus rhymes. What other words could rhyme with it?

I had so many Barry Manilow albums! I think my favourite was the one with the piano player statue on the front. What album covers do you like? Some of the albums were real photos, others were illustrated. Which do you like better? I wonder how many songs I can remember. Can you count for me as I list/sing them?

This song was popular when I started dating hubby. Hubby and I always danced to this song at high school dances. (These always lead her to talk about hubby who is one of her favourite people.)

This was the theme song from that TV show I used to watch. My favourite character was...  I hated that show, but I liked the song. Did you? I liked the show but hated the song. Did you? What kind of song makes a good TV show song? Fast or slow? Serious or silly?

This song always reminds me of...

When I'm walking up from the parking lot at Lizzie's nursing home, I always pick a song or two in my head. This helps me be prepared for those moments where she might be stressed or scared or angry. Being prepared and having something chosen in advance always means I'll be more successful in helping her regain her equilibrium. Using music as a distraction has a good chance of helping Lizzie feel happy and content.

How about you? Have you ever used songs from your teen years to help soothe your Loved One? What other questions can you think to ask?

Power of Music 1 - Classical Songs

Music is a powerful force.

Lizzie has always loved music. She grew up listening to music on the family radio. While Lizzie's mom was into Jazz and Swing, Lizzie and her brother fell in love with classical music.

At an early age, she could identify Bach from Beethoven from Brahms within only a few seconds of listening to a piece.

When we were old enough, Lizzie and my dad bought a piano on a rent-to-own program and scrounged up the money for my sister and I to take piano lessons.

Nothing made Lizzie happier than listening to us practice the piano, especially the classical pieces that were never our favourites.

Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

Now, we can often use her love of classical music to help redirect her during stressful times.

Who is your favourite classical composer/song?

Who was your favourite classical composer/song when you were a kid?

What was the first song you remember hearing on the radio with your brother?

Did you and your brother both like the same composers/songs?

When you and your brother made your bands, what songs did you play?

When you and your brother made your bands, what did you use for instruments?

Did you have other friends who liked music like you and your brother?

What did your mom and dad think about the music you listened to?

Did you ever make up words to go along with the music?

Did you sing as a family? What songs?


How about you? Do you ever use music to help redirect your Loved One? Does your Loved One enjoy classical music as well?

Welcome!

Welcome to Dancing With Dementia.

Our family has been dealing with dementia for a few years now, and as a writer, I find it really helps to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper ... or screen as the case may be.

In many ways, Dementia hit us without any warning. We're an immigrant family and we didn't grow up with older relatives around us. We didn't know the difference between normal aging and signs of dementia.

We made a lot of mistakes.
We did a lot of things right. Many of these right choices were simply by accident.

We're not perfect, but we're working hard to ensure our Loved One, Lizzie, has the best quality of life possible.

This blog is going to be a way to share information, ask questions, and definitely provide a few laughs. As you get to know Lizzie through this blog, you'll see that there will always be laughs and smiles when she is involved! Smiles From the Dementia Files will be a regular feature.

For practical tips that we've found very helpful, you can check out my YouTube channel. I'll talk more about these tips and others on the blog as well.

The book, Dancing With Dementia will be available on March 31, 2020. It covers the story of our journey through Dementia as well as collects tips and advice into handy lists.

The book is now available for preorder at the following locations. The price will be at $0.99 (US) for the preorders and the first few weeks after release. Then the price will jump, so get your copy now!

Amazon.com           Amazon.ca.          Apple Books.           Barnes & Noble          Kobo.      

Add it to your Goodreads shelf

For more info on the book, check out my website jemifraser.com or the MCBook tours page.

I hope some of the information you find here on the blog will help you along in your journey as we learn the steps to the Dementia dance together!