Where Everybody Knows Your Name

With pandemic restrictions easing, we've moved into a new stage for our visits with Lizzie in the nursing home.

My sister and I are now fully vaccinated. Lizzie has been fully vaccinated for a few months.

Because of that, we are now allowed to visit her without our face shields. We still wear our masks, but the clear plastic shields that cover our faces are no longer required. Yay!

When I arrived at the nursing home, Lizzie was sitting at her table in the dining room. I waved when I walked in as I always do. I walked toward her smiling.

Before I could say my usual greeting (Hi Mom. It's Jemi! I'm here for a visit), Lizzie smiled back and said, "My baby."

This is the first time she's recognized me in months.

I did a happy dance and made her laugh.

About 30 minutes into the visit, Lizzie turned to me and said, "What's your name?"

"I'm Jemi."

Big smile. "I have a daughter named Jemi."

"That's so nice."

Then she turned back to her meal and took another bite. Sure, I could have said I was her daughter, but that seemed a little mean. She was happy and content and I didn't want her to lose that.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

So, you win some, you lose some!

Even if it was just for a few moments, Lizzie recognized me without prompting.

Day = Made!

How about you? Any easing of restrictions? Any reactions to wearing fewer pieces of PPE?

Video Chats With Lizzie

COVID-19 has changed so many things, including how we're interacting with Lizzie.

Before COVID, one of us visited with Lizzie every day. We'd bring tea and chat. We've found that frequent visits help to keep Lizzie attuned to the here and now.

Enter COVID and that obviously had to change.

While we miss those daily visits with Lizzie, we're glad the nursing home (NH) is keeping the residents isolated and safe.

After the first week, the activities staff in the NH started arranging video chats through FaceTime and Skype for all of the residents. With over 400 residents, this was a big task.

Lizzie hasn't been able to use a phone independently for a few years now. A staff member dials the call and holds the screen so Lizzie can see us. Sometimes she thinks we're on TV. 😀

Photo by Georg Arthur Pfluegeron Unsplash

Lizzie being Lizzie, the calls are usually entertaining. She sometimes thinks whichever staff member is helping her with the call is another daughter. The first time, the poor young staff member was embarrassed and worried we'd be upset. We think it's great. Lizzie believing she is surrounded by family is an awesome thing! Lizzie even braided one staff member's hair throughout one of the calls.

Because the screen is small and there is activity happening around her, Lizzie can become distracted during the calls. Sometimes she wants to introduce us to everyone walking by. Other days she gets tired quickly of concentrating on the call and zones out. It's definitely more challenging than an in-person visit but we're grateful for every call.

We've found a few things that help. Lizzie loves music so we use that, either singing a song or playing one on the piano. We've even found one staff member who is willing to sing along with us!

Complimenting Lizzie works too. "That top sure looks great on you. Your eyes really pop when you're wearing that colour." "I remember you always told us you enjoyed school. What was your favourite subject/teacher/class/friend/activity?"

Pretending to suddenly remember something is a good ploy too. "Oh! Did I ever tell you about that time...?" "You'll never guess what your grandson did!"

We avoid bringing up COVID as Lizzie appears to think nothing is unusual and that we are actually there rather than on the screen.

Overall we're so lucky.

How about you? Anyone else doing video chats with Loved Ones in NHs? Any tips on distractions? Topics to use or topics to avoid?

To Celebrate or Not To Celebrate?

There are many different thoughts as to how to celebrate special days with our Loved Ones.

Each person is unique and many different factors will go into the decisions.

• what stage is your Loved One at?
• how aware are they of the day/date/time of year?
• will they know about the day if you don't mention/celebrate it?
• will the day bring good or bad memories?
• will the day trigger thoughts about dead friends/relatives who Loved One wants to celebrate with?

One Mother's Day, Lizzie became very upset about not having ordered flowers for her mother and mother-in-law. Her mom had died when Lizzie was a teen, her mother-in-law had died more than 30 years before.

Did the good memories and the fun times we had that day out-balance the bad ones?

Yes.

Will they this year?

Who knows?

All we can do, is look at the issue from all angles and make what we think is the best decision.

Then cross our fingers and hope for the best!

Of course, if your Loved One (like Lizzie) is in a Nursing Home, this year will be very different. Because the staff at the home is amazing, we know we'll be able to video chat with Lizzie on Mother's Day, but we won't be able to bring her flowers and chocolates and her other favourites. We'll make up for it later but we wonder how this will affect her.

How about you? What do you do for celebration days like Mother's or Father's Day? Are your routines going to be disrupted by COVID-19 as well?

COVID-19 and Lockdown

The world is currently dealing with an incredibly serious virus that is calling for unprecedented safety measures being taken in many areas.

For us, one of those safety measures is that Lizzie's nursing home is in lockdown. No visitors allowed. (Our home is making exceptions for end-of-life situations and allowing limited visitors who are healthy and pass screening.) Within the home, the residents are staying within their own units (about 30 people so still opportunities to socialize) and there are no big gatherings in the common room.

We're really glad the home is in lockdown even though it means we can't see Lizzie. More than anything we want her to remain safe and healthy.

Our nursing home has a terrific staff. They are working hard to keep the residents active and talking with them and each other.

If Lizzie was on the 1st or even the 2nd floor, we've go see her and wave through the window, but from her floor she wouldn't be able to see us. At the beginning of lockdown, there was also still a lot of snow and getting around to her side of the building would have been tough anyway!

Photo by Andreea Popa on Unsplash

Lizzie no longer understands how to use a telephone so calling her isn't an option.

Within a few days of the lockdown we got a call from a staff member. They were arranging Face Time and Skype visits between residents and family. A staff member sits with Lizzie and runs the call and helps her out with the conversation. Sometimes a person on screen doesn't make sense to Lizzie.

What a great idea!! Creative problem solving at its best. It has made us all a lot happier.

How are you coping if your Loved One is in a nursing home?
If your Loved One is at your home or on their own, how is it going?