Don't Let The Sun Go Down

I was driving home from the Nursing Home one night after visiting with Lizzie.

It had been an odd visit. Lizzie had exhibited extreme paranoia about another resident. He was someone she'd known for months but she was suddenly afraid of him. It didn't help when the poor man walked by us multiple times as we chatted.

Then Lizzie told me a story about how I watched myself begging for a library card. Both the Begging Me and the Watching Me wore the same bright yellow rubber boots. She was surprised I didn't remember watching the two of me.

Lizzie then told me about letting That Man into the house because his mother was an Artiste (said with a French accent) and they wanted to see her flower gardens. Not everyone had an Artiste wanting to see their gardens, so she'd let them into the basement to see the tulips. Wasn't I proud?

Of course I was.

Another evening of Sundowning in action.

(Photo by Anand Rathod on Unsplash)

On the way home, The Elton John song Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me came on the radio.

I've always liked the song, but that night I started to wonder.

Did Elton John and/or Bernie Taupin have some experience with dementia in their lives? Was the song alluding to Sundowning?

Probably not, but when you hear it, you might find some lines that make you wonder.

 What do you think?

To Celebrate or Not To Celebrate?

There are many different thoughts as to how to celebrate special days with our Loved Ones.

Each person is unique and many different factors will go into the decisions.

• what stage is your Loved One at?
• how aware are they of the day/date/time of year?
• will they know about the day if you don't mention/celebrate it?
• will the day bring good or bad memories?
• will the day trigger thoughts about dead friends/relatives who Loved One wants to celebrate with?

One Mother's Day, Lizzie became very upset about not having ordered flowers for her mother and mother-in-law. Her mom had died when Lizzie was a teen, her mother-in-law had died more than 30 years before.

Did the good memories and the fun times we had that day out-balance the bad ones?

Yes.

Will they this year?

Who knows?

All we can do, is look at the issue from all angles and make what we think is the best decision.

Then cross our fingers and hope for the best!

Of course, if your Loved One (like Lizzie) is in a Nursing Home, this year will be very different. Because the staff at the home is amazing, we know we'll be able to video chat with Lizzie on Mother's Day, but we won't be able to bring her flowers and chocolates and her other favourites. We'll make up for it later but we wonder how this will affect her.

How about you? What do you do for celebration days like Mother's or Father's Day? Are your routines going to be disrupted by COVID-19 as well?

Visual Background Noise

For Lizzie, a lot of items in her room seem to not be visible.

While she loves her music player, she never turns it on by herself anymore. When we turn it on for her, she's always surprised by it.

Earlier in the process when Lizzie was still looking through magazines, she would only ever "see" the top one, she would never realize there was a stack of different magazines.

Even earlier in the process before Lizzie moved into the home, Lizzie stopped "seeing" the dust bunnies, the rings from tea mugs on the coffee table, the spots on the bathroom sink or mirror.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

It seems like there is too much visual background "noise". Obviously, noise isn't the correct term as you can't see noise... at least I don't think you can. But the concept is the same.

In school, we teach kids to filter out the unimportant background noise and focus in on the important noise happening within the classroom. This works well until something interesting happens outside the window or in the hallway. Then all the attention turns in that direction.

For Lizzie, it's as if her brain is so focused on handling the important details of what she's thinking about or doing, that it ignores whatever isn't relevant to the immediate task.

Once the item is pointed out to her, she can see it, but until then, it's not visible.

I wonder if the brain only has so much available "power" and only focuses on what it thinks is important at the time.

How about you? Have you experienced your Loved One not "seeing" things that are there? Any thoughts on visual background noise?

Power of Music 1 - Classical Songs

Music is a powerful force.

Lizzie has always loved music. She grew up listening to music on the family radio. While Lizzie's mom was into Jazz and Swing, Lizzie and her brother fell in love with classical music.

At an early age, she could identify Bach from Beethoven from Brahms within only a few seconds of listening to a piece.

When we were old enough, Lizzie and my dad bought a piano on a rent-to-own program and scrounged up the money for my sister and I to take piano lessons.

Nothing made Lizzie happier than listening to us practice the piano, especially the classical pieces that were never our favourites.

Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

Now, we can often use her love of classical music to help redirect her during stressful times.

Who is your favourite classical composer/song?

Who was your favourite classical composer/song when you were a kid?

What was the first song you remember hearing on the radio with your brother?

Did you and your brother both like the same composers/songs?

When you and your brother made your bands, what songs did you play?

When you and your brother made your bands, what did you use for instruments?

Did you have other friends who liked music like you and your brother?

What did your mom and dad think about the music you listened to?

Did you ever make up words to go along with the music?

Did you sing as a family? What songs?


How about you? Do you ever use music to help redirect your Loved One? Does your Loved One enjoy classical music as well?