We all know dementia is hard. Some days, it feels impossible.
I'm not sure how those of you who care for your Loved Ones in your homes do it all day, all week, all month, all year. The disease creates hideous moments for everyone involved.
Lizzie is in a wonderful nursing home and we still have those moments.
To help avoid those, I've got a mental checklist of the things I want to accomplish with Lizzie during our visits.
Lizzie now requires assistance while eating. Some days are better than others, but she no longer is able to use utensils for their intended purpose. She doesn't always see food as food. Some days, the soup is a sink and she wants to wash the other foods in there. Other days, it's all "f***ing awful" and she wants to toss it on the floor.
Our visits tend to revolve around meal times now, so the checklist involves those. During the visit, I hope to:
- have Lizzie drink as much as possible. She requires thickener in her liquids now and this makes it easier for her to swallow. To get her to drink her tea, I either sing "Tea for Two & Two for Tea..." or say, "Tea makes everything better." This was a saying Lizzie's mom used throughout WWII while Lizzie was growing up. The saying brings fond memories and feeling of safety
- help Lizzie be as independent as possible during the meal. Hand her the spoon or fork with food already on it. Put a portion of the sandwich in her hand. Allow her to eat in whichever order she wishes. If she wants the pudding first, that works. She doesn't mind going back to soup afterward
- have Lizzie sing along with me. This helps to activate her memories and her ability to converse is always better after we sing a few songs
- don't allow Lizzie to sleep with her head drooping froward. This has caused some issues with swallowing and we've got her in a new style of wheelchair where we can tilt her back when she dozes
- have Lizzie smile at a memory. She loves seeing pictures of her grandchildren and great-grandchild. She may not remember them, and she mostly doesn't get the connections as to who is who, but she loves to see pictures of happy kids
- have Lizzie giggle and laugh. Lizzie tends to giggle at silly word plays, tongue twisters or when I trip over words. She laughs at when we talk about memories or silly things that happen in a day. Laughter truly is medicine.
- Have Lizzie sing and clap along with a song. If she's tired, the clapping doesn't always happen. I think activating as many different parts of the brain as possible can only help everyone. Lizzie can clap on beat really well. Sometimes, she speeds up the clapping to make us sing faster and this can cause lots of laughter. Lizzie also taps her toes to the beat and that's great too.
