Monday, August 30, 2021

Star Trek To The Rescue

 I'm a huge Star Trek fan. Lizzie is not. If you're not, bear with me. I think it's worth it.

If you're a fan, you may remember the TNG episode entitled Darmok. Picard met an alien who only spoke in analogies, imagery, and metaphors. Temba, his arms wide (welcome, offering, sharing). Darmok, on the ocean (alone). Shaka, when the walls fell (failure).

In these examples, the first word is a proper noun indicating a person or place. The rest of the phrase indicates what happened.

If you don't know what happened when the walls fell, you might wonder if it was a good or bad thing. Same with being on the ocean. And all the other phrases

Throughout the episode, the people struggle to learn a new form of communication. It's an intriguing ending where both races learn to communicate using some of the other race's styles and words. It's a lesson in open-mindedness and determination. When we learn the alien has set up the entire dangerous scenario in order to force the races to understand each other, it becomes more poignant, as he doesn't survive the threat. But he's content at the moment before death as Picard is now able to communicate with him. His belief in the power of and the need for communication is inspiring.

Photo by Dom Talbot on Unsplash

Sometimes Lizzie speaks in analogies or metaphors as well. She's not always able to find the words she needs, but her brain finds another way to express itself.

"Some people might think that was dry." Lizzie wants a drink.

"You're so pretty/smart." Lizzie needs to hear a compliment on how pretty or smart she is. These attributes have always been important to Lizzie. Dementia is making her insecure and we look for ways to boost her confidence.

"You're f***ing stupid." Either we're not understanding or doing what Lizzie wants, or she isn't able to communicate her needs. For this one, I usually bat my eyes, smile, and say, "Such charming language," in a syrupy-sweet tone. Lizzie catches the sarcasm and giggles. This helps break the tension and we can start in again trying to decipher her needs.

"My bum hurts."  Lizzie has been incontinent for a while. This often means she needs to use the bathroom. It also might mean she's been stuck in a position too long.

"It's so quiet." Lizzie wants to sing or hear music.

"It's too loud." "Shut up." "Stop making all that racket." Lizzie is tired and wants to sleep.

"She's ugly/You're ugly." Someone is asking Lizzie to do something she doesn't want to do. She's upset about being asked to do it (brush her teeth, get out of bed, come to the dining room...)

Learning to communicate effectively with Lizzie is an ongoing challenge. It's well worth the effort to listen to not only the words, but the need behind them.

I hope some of this helps. Until next time, Jemi, arms wide open.

How about you? Does your Loved One speak around what they want or need as well? Do you struggle to interpret?

Monday, August 16, 2021

A Good Day

Dementia has settled into Lizzie's brain and is attacking with a vengeance.

But, Lizzie remains Lizzie in some of the best ways. We're sad and grateful and a whole host of other emotions you're probably very familiar with.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Today, when I arrived at Lizzie's nursing home, she spotted me as soon as I walked onto the unit. The room was crowded because they were all gathering for lunch. I was wearing a mask. Sometimes all of that visual "noise" makes it difficult for her to "see" or recognize me. Not today!

I waved across the room as we made eye contact. She smiled one of those wonderful, happy smiles and waved back.

I continued to wave as I maneuvered my way through the dining room. Lizzie continued to wave back and smile. The staff members near her looked up to see what made her so happy. We all grinned. She knew me, knew she was happy to see me, knew we'd have a fun visit.

Cue the happy chills covering my arms.

I took Lizzie out on the balcony to eat her lunch. During the meal, Lizzie mostly wanted to talk. This is an anomaly now, as there are many days when she struggles for words. Obviously, I let her talk and encouraged her words.

While Lizzie's conversation was mostly nonsensical, she appropriately used the words "supposition", "proposal", and "capacity". The phrases she used made sense, but there was no connection between phrases. This didn't upset her at all and she was happy to chatter away while I made encouraging comments as needed.

Dementia's effects on the brain is an endlessly fascinating (and sad) process. You never quite know what each day (each moment!) will bring. It's good to enjoy the bright sparks and moments when they come.

At the end of the visit, Lizzie was exhausted. Probably worn out from all that chattering. I left her smiling.

A good day indeed.

How about you? What kinds of good things have happened in your world recently?