I'm a huge Star Trek fan. Lizzie is not. If you're not, bear with me. I think it's worth it.
If you're a fan, you may remember the TNG episode entitled Darmok. Picard met an alien who only spoke in analogies, imagery, and metaphors. Temba, his arms wide (welcome, offering, sharing). Darmok, on the ocean (alone). Shaka, when the walls fell (failure).
In these examples, the first word is a proper noun indicating a person or place. The rest of the phrase indicates what happened.
If you don't know what happened when the walls fell, you might wonder if it was a good or bad thing. Same with being on the ocean. And all the other phrases
Throughout the episode, the people struggle to learn a new form of communication. It's an intriguing ending where both races learn to communicate using some of the other race's styles and words. It's a lesson in open-mindedness and determination. When we learn the alien has set up the entire dangerous scenario in order to force the races to understand each other, it becomes more poignant, as he doesn't survive the threat. But he's content at the moment before death as Picard is now able to communicate with him. His belief in the power of and the need for communication is inspiring.
Sometimes Lizzie speaks in analogies or metaphors as well. She's not always able to find the words she needs, but her brain finds another way to express itself.
"Some people might think that was dry." Lizzie wants a drink.
"You're so pretty/smart." Lizzie needs to hear a compliment on how pretty or smart she is. These attributes have always been important to Lizzie. Dementia is making her insecure and we look for ways to boost her confidence.
"You're f***ing stupid." Either we're not understanding or doing what Lizzie wants, or she isn't able to communicate her needs. For this one, I usually bat my eyes, smile, and say, "Such charming language," in a syrupy-sweet tone. Lizzie catches the sarcasm and giggles. This helps break the tension and we can start in again trying to decipher her needs.
"My bum hurts." Lizzie has been incontinent for a while. This often means she needs to use the bathroom. It also might mean she's been stuck in a position too long.
"It's so quiet." Lizzie wants to sing or hear music.
"It's too loud." "Shut up." "Stop making all that racket." Lizzie is tired and wants to sleep.
"She's ugly/You're ugly." Someone is asking Lizzie to do something she doesn't want to do. She's upset about being asked to do it (brush her teeth, get out of bed, come to the dining room...)
Learning to communicate effectively with Lizzie is an ongoing challenge. It's well worth the effort to listen to not only the words, but the need behind them.
I hope some of this helps. Until next time, Jemi, arms wide open.
How about you? Does your Loved One speak around what they want or need as well? Do you struggle to interpret?
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